How To Be A Good Guest
That guest who stands there, mainlining the plonk and yabbering at you while you try and peel, chop, cook, and wash up all at once is familiar and, at best, endured.
Having people to stay over Christmas can be a distressing experience. However dearly you love them, however much you have looked forward to seeing them, however generous and giving they are, it is rarely an unblemished exercise. Esther Walker recently wrote an excellent piece on her blog advising hosts on how and how not to go about their business, but what about being a guest? Yes, being a good host is all about making your guests comfortable, but it’s just as important for guests to do the same for their hosts.
“The key thing is to remember that you have been invited to someone’s house,” says etiquette consultant William Hanson. It seems obvious, and yet many seem to forget this detail. Lord and Lady Muck are not welcome houseguests. We once had a young couple to stay for Christmas; they would sleep until midday, come down in pyjamas, make toast, disappear back upstairs, watch DVDs all afternoon in bed, and appear for supper. It is difficult to put into words how unforgivably rude such behaviour is.
On the other hand, a guest who follows you around like a puppy and expects to have your undivided attention during their visit is almost more irksome. Just because someone has asked you to stay it doesn’t mean they want to, or indeed can, be on hand to keep you occupied at all times. “A good guest is someone who understands that sometimes friendship is expressed by sitting quietly reading the paper, and allowing others to do the same,” says Rebecca Seal
So, you shouldn’t treat someone’s home like a hotel, and you shouldn’t expect your host to be your own personal entertainer – what should you do, then? “Taking a gift is always appreciated,” says Hanson. I wouldn’t so much say it was appreciated as essential. If you go for dinner at someone’s house it’s impolite to turn up empty-handed, but to arrive for an extended stay without a pressie is beyond thoughtless. Hanson does, however, advise against bringing wine. “It gives the host a dilemma as to whether to serve it on the day or not. An old fashioned idea would be a hardback non-fiction book. It is polite also to take your hosts out for a meal at some point if you’re staying for several days.”
As well as a certain level of largesse, another common wish among the Twitter community is for guests to offer to help in the kitchen. Again, this should go without saying, but it’s amazing how often people don’t lift a finger. That guest who stands there, mainlining the plonk and yabbering at you while you try and peel, chop, cook, and wash up all at once is familiar and, at best, endured. Almost worse is when offers of help come as your guest is half way to the door with a book under their arm, delivered with a wince that says ‘please say no’. If you’re going to volunteer help then at least pretend you mean it.
Guests, as Benjamin Franklin said, are like fish, and begin to smell after a few days. As thrilled as your host might have been to see you on arrival, the sheen is likely to wear off. Make good your escape and leave when you said you would. And fast. There are few things more exasperating than a guest who lingers.
But whatever you’ve done wrong, whoever you’ve offended, however many groaning faux pas you’ve made, all can be redeemed with a knock-out thank you letter. Not a text, tweet, email or facebook message, but a proper, handwritten letter. It shows gratefulness in a measure far beyond any bottle of wine or box of chocolates, and will make your host look fondly on your sojourn, forgetting the spilt wine on the sheepskin rug, the pubes in the bath, and the neat pile of toenails on the bedside table, and they’ll think: ‘how lovely it was to have Roger to stay. We should do that again next year’.
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