‘Live and let live’ is a vegetarian mantra, but is it really possible for vegetarians and meat-eaters to live together in harmony?
A common interest
Our food choices say a lot about who we think we are. Admit to being a vegetarian and people immediately jump to certain conclusions – presumably you are a left-wing eco-warrior with an interest in knitting your own yoghurt.
It’s annoying to be typecast, but it’s undeniably true that if you have vegetarianism in common with a prospective partner, there are probably a lot of other things you will agree about. Some vegetarians would only consider other vegetarians as partners. One single veggie who wrote to The Vegetarian magazine last year said: ‘I’d find it difficult to enter into a committed relationship with a non-veggie – it’d be a bit like dating someone with opposing political opinions; it’s too big a part of who I am and what I believe in.’
Others are indignant about passing judgment on people based on the food they choose to eat. One respondent to a Vegetarian magazine Facebook discussion said: ‘My partner is not veggie and never will be. We’ve been together six years and we work around it. I used to think that it was the most important thing to me, but having wasted four years of my life on a veggie who was a lazy, unemployable lay-about, I know now that I was wrong!’
Got any mouthwash?
While some vegetarians and vegans tolerate meat-eating partners, the dietary difference sometimes wreaks havoc within relationships. One anonymous reader of The Vegetarian magazine shared her depressing situation – her husband would not cook his own meaty meals, leaving her with the choice of refusing to cook for him, and living with the guilt, or cooking meat, and feeling like a hypocrite. Another described the devastating effect on his marriage when the vegetarian woman he married decided to revert to her meat-eating ways. Sadly, for him, divorce was inevitable.
People go vegetarian for many reasons – if you’re cutting your cholesterol or worried about the environmental impact of the meat industry, you might not object to sharing your life with somebody who chooses lean cuts or insists on organic, free-range meat. If, on the other hand, you’re disgusted by the very idea of killing for food or eating dead animals, kissing a meat-eater might be out of the question.
One optimistic contributor to a recent online debate said: ‘My partner was not a vegetarian and I would make him brush his teeth or use mouthwash before he kissed me. Now I am single, anyone I might date should be willing to use mouthwash before kissing me. This might make it more difficult to find love, but I am sure there are willing men out there!’
Looking for love
There are plenty of fish in the sea when you’re young and attractive. Vegetarians seeking vegetarians won’t have too much trouble if they live in cosmopolitan cities, and many towns have active vegetarian and vegan social groups. Students will probably find a fair proportion of veggie-friendly prospective partners on campus. But finding a vegetarian partner when you’re in your thirties, and spending most of your time with a small group of co-workers in an office, can present real problems. And, although things are starting to change, the gender ratio is still out of balance – there are far more vegetarian women than men out there.
One frustrated thirty-something professional male in Yorkshire wrote to The Vegetarian magazine in despair. ‘Now that I’m settled in my career and thinking about the possibility of raising a family, meeting a partner has become a big issue. I’ve tried everything…’
Dating non-vegetarians didn’t work out: ‘She came to resent the fact that I made her feel guilty for wanting to eat meat.’ Looking ahead, he can spot more potential problems: ‘If you were to settle down with a non-veggie, who gets to choose whether you bring your children up as veggie or not? Even if you did persuade your partner to only eat vegetarian food around you, I am certain that this would only lead to resentment in the long run.’
The vegetable aisle
So what else has he tried? Internet dating was a failure, with big sites being oblivious to dietary preferences and specialist sites having too few people on board. Speed dating was worse: ‘I’ve met more than 100 women this way, not a single vegetarian although I did once meet a fox hunter… that was an awkward three minutes.’ The vegetarian social scene in his area is sparse: ‘I have tried going to vegan events, but I spent most of my time being criticised for not being vegan.’ Office parties based around communal meals and barbecues only mark him out as an outsider, and ‘even forming platonic relationships is difficult’. In desperation, he has even resorted to hanging around the vegetables in his local supermarket! ‘This has not resulted in success, unless you count attention from the security guard!’
Perhaps vegetarians looking for love need to start wearing badges, to make sure they don’t have to face Valentine’s Day alone…
You might also like
All our vegetarian recipes and features