A top London hotel promises you sticky fingers with its food homage to the Stones' 50th anniversary. But did Simon Ward get some satisfaction?
While The Rolling Stones may conjour up visions of Jack Daniels-imbibing, substance-snorting decadence rather than the genteel refreshment of afternoon tea, both are arguably English institutions.
So to celebrate the greatest rock ‘n’ roll band in the world’s 50th anniversary and impending appearances at Glastonbury and Hyde Park, the Royal Horseguards Hotel in Central London is serving a Rolling Scones (geddit) afternoon tea for one week only.
As a long-time Stones devotee, I couldn’t resist popping along to try out one of the more leftfield homages to the band I’ve encountered. Although when you consider that none other than Delia Smith created a surreal cake for the cover of 1969's Let It Bleed album, maybe it does make some sense.
Tea and sympathy for the devils
On walking up to the hotel, it’s clear that this is actually a place where one might encounter multi-millionaire musicians of some vintage. Suited businessmen thrust £50 notes at black cab drivers, and well-heeled vacationers in T-shirts and jeans clutch bags of designer purchases. Although there's no piped music, Stones or otherwise.
Tea-wise, I steered clear of the temptation to pay my own tribute by ordering the white needle with pear and ginger, plumping instead for a more classic Sapphire Earl Grey. Then it was on with the show, starting with “savoury rock ‘n’ rolls and sandwiches”. These were not much better than filler material and disappointingly, like former bassist Bill Wyman at their London shows last year, the promised filling in the roast beef sandwich only made a fleeting guest appearance.
The 'rolling scones' were better, fluffy and warm, although the homemade strawberry preserve was a tad on the runny side.
Brown sugar and rum baba
Then it was onto the main event – the Stones-themed cakes. Keith’s coconut macaroon (a slightly twisted tribute to his fall from a Fijian coconut tree in 2006) melted in the mouth. The Brown Sugar pecan pie, by contrast, was Top 20 rather than Top 10. But the Angie angel cake was wonderfully moist and jumpin’ (jack flash) with flavour (She’s A Rainbow might have been a better reference though).
The Voodoo rum baba was drizzled with whiskey but unadventurously, and again showing something of a lack of research, it was Scotch rather than JD. But the bold, rich chocolate of some edible musical notes and the Lickin' lips lolly added some real decadence to proceedings.
I can’t help but think there were a few missed opportunities here that a quick skim through some biographies could have remedied – the aforementioned lack of bourbon, and perhaps a mini shepherd’s pie in honour of Keith Richards’ oft-declared favourite dish. Maybe I'm being too literal.
Still, if you want an afternoon tea with a difference and a chance to raise a fine china cup, rather than a whisky glass, to 50 years of the Stones, you’ll just about get what you need.
The Rolling Scones afternoon tea is available for £35 per person at the Royal Horseguards Hotel until Sunday 30th June
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